“Fall in love with the process of becoming the very best version on yourself”
I found this quote and it really spoke to me. We’re always focused on the destination, that we ignore the process along the way. As you know from previous post, I had a tough 2016 and 2017. I was emotional, angry, and just not myself. I hated that version of myself. I had to grow. I had to forgive. I had to change. And I did. 2019 Cadesia, is a million times better than 2017 Cadesia. Everything isn’t rainbows and sunshine, but I handle things differently. I don’t let negativity win.
So how does one start the change within themselves? With my experience, I had to listen to the people around me. One of my closest friends said to me one day “you are not the same and need to let whatever you’re dealing with go.” I didn’t think of how my emotions were taking over to that extent.
“Others can see you lashing out”
was all I could think. I didn’t share what was going on in my head because, I was ashamed in a sense. Ashamed that I let my life go down such a dark path.
Once I started listening, I started to put on a happy face. It wasn’t sincere, but it kept the people around from asking questions or commenting. Of course, suppressing my feelings didn’t help. Which lead me to create my blog and blah blah blah (you know that part.) It was hard for me to transition back into a different version of myself. I fell in several funks and with the help of loved ones, managed to get through it. Before I knew it that hurt and anger was gone. I took back control over my life.
Now I’m becoming more attune with myself. Becoming more adventurous and becoming fearless. I’m also doing my best to accomplish my goals. I can see things a lot clearer than I could ever before. I thank God for guiding me along and getting me to this place. By letting go and moving forward, I’m able to allow change to take effect.
The other day, I got my first ticket (after 9 years of driving.) I was speeding in my ’99 silver beetle. Most days, I set the cruise control because I know if you’re not paying attention while driving the bug; you’ll speed. I didn’t realize I was speeding until I saw the state trooper frantically turn around. I pulled over, reached for my license, and waited for him to come to my window. He asked a few questions, took my license and went back to his car. I sat there and waited (for what seemed like forever on a hot day) for him to return. As I sat there, I thought to myself “you messed up your perfect record….and it’s ok.”
Normally, I would have freaked out. Probably would have pulled over further up the road, cried, and beat myself up about it. But, I didn’t feel anything like that. I was ok. I just thought, you’re an adult and you made a mistake. Although it did keep me up at night, because all I wanted to do was “take care of it” (the perfectionist in me.) It was not the end of the world and it was fixable.
“Wow. I’ve changed how I react to my mistakes.”
I’m becoming a perfectionist who can handle imperfections. Who is this version of Cadesia, because I really like her.
I’m so excited about the future and I feel in my bones that something life changing is about to happen to me. This process is teaching me that life is tough. You can get knocked down, spit on, and left behind. But the best part is, you learn and you rise above. Everyday I’m falling in love with the process of becoming the very best version of Cadesia. Mistakes are only minor setbacks that we can overcome. Let’s fall in love with the process of becoming the best version of ourselves. After all, it’s a constant work of art.
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